


The Problem Has Always Been Me

by Kr_ys



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Ned Vizinni
Genre: Angst, Be More Chill - Freeform, Bisexual, Bisexual Male Character, Drama, F/F, F/M, Fluff, High School, LGBT, M/M, Puppy Love, arson bros, bmc, boyf riends - Freeform, deere, spicy bis - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-04 22:47:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16355723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kr_ys/pseuds/Kr_ys
Summary: Jeremy has it all. His beautiful, loving girlfriend of four years, Brooklyn Lohst. His sweet, caring best friend, Christine Canigula. His right hand girl, Madeline. His successful, hardworking father. His peers, who simultaneously adore and respect him.But deep down, Jeremy has been hiding a long withheld secret for fear of how his small, close-minded town and close-knit circle of friends might react. He wasn't just attracted to females. Jeremiah Heere had his eyes on males as well.





	1. Chapter 1

  **P R O L O G U E**

  Jeremiah Heere, known to many as simply "Jeremy", was one of the few jocks at Middleborough High who wasn't eligible to be considered a "player." He'd only ever had one girlfriend; Brooklyn "Brooke" Lohst. They'd been dating since seventh grade, and were four years strong now. Many of the couple's significant milestones were posted on social media for all of the world to see. Their account, titled, "She's Lohst But He's Heere" had maintained an impressive following of 1.5k.

  The pair of sophomores had even been contacted by jewelers and retail stores to advertise their products. Brooke and Jeremy were the most popular duo in their small town, and even their parents were proud of them. Jeffrey and Caroline Lohst, had gotten along so well with Paul Heere that they now met weekly for rounds of golf or brunch.

  Jeremy had it all. His beautiful, loving girlfriend of four years, his sweet, caring best friend named Christine, his right hand, Madeline. He endearingly and jokingly referred to Christine and Madeline as the daughters he and Brooke didn't have. Yet.

  But deep down, Jeremy had been hiding a long with-held secret for fear of how his small, close-minded town and close-knit circle of friends might react. He wasn't just attracted to females. Jeremiah Heere had his eyes on males as well.

  Christine's boyfriend, Michael Mell, with his gorgeous brown eyes that glowed like amber pools of honey in the sun, his waves of extremely soft raven-black hair, the way his glasses perfectly complemented the rest of his appearance. His signature red hoodie that smelled like home. Jeremy yearned to curl up in it, more specifically curl up with it while Michael was wearing it. The sound of his laugh warmed Jeremy's heart, like sunshine on a rainy day.

  Or, what about Brooke's half-brother, Rich Goranski. Five feet of irrational thinking, a sharp wit, an even sharper tongue. Those emerald green eyes that left him in a trance. That small amount of freckles in the center of the short boy's face, which Jeremy had never been able to fully count. Rich's smile left Jeremy dizzy and uncoordinated, which was quite uncharacteristic for him.

  Or... Madeline's former best friend, Jake Dillinger. Jeremy never quite understood why Madeline and Jake had gotten along so well for so many years and then just destroyed it all near the end of freshman year. Jake, with his muscular arms, the abs that visibly rippled through thin tanktops the athlete seemed to adore, his dark skin that glinted so gorgeously in the moonlight. Jeremy hadn't seen Jake since his fight with Madeline. He wasn't quite sure if he truly wanted to see more of him, since he did feel shy and intimidated around the only person in school who towered over him, including the staff and teachers. Just a single glance or a teasing wink from the taller boy could make Jeremy's heart skip a beat and force him to hide his blushing face.

**Jeremy had a big problem on his hands. And an even bigger problem was having no way out. No solution to his newfound impulses. Not a single one that wouldn't end up hurting _someone_ that he cared about.**


	2. I have never been satisfied.

    Jeremy grasped his phone, still combing through his hair as he glanced over his notifications. A text from Madeline, two from Brooke, nineteen from their family group chat, and...one from Michael Mell. Jeremy gulped lightly and tapped the highlighted section with "Michael" in a fancy font.

**unread: 6:54 a.m.**

**_M i c h a e l_** : **hey jere, would it be alright if i came over a bit later after school? i'll explain later, but it's totally cool if you say no. thanks.**

     "Jere." The nickname made Jeremy's breath hitch with nostalgia. No one had ever called him that except for his mom. His heart ached thinking of her before he pushed that thought to the back of his mind. He'd reminisce over old memories later. Jeremy hesitantly typed back, overthinking his message at least a hundred times.

**7:17 a.m.**

**Me: Yeah, bro, for sure! Sounds good to me, my dude.**

      Jeremy panicked internally. He sounded too much like...Jake Dillinger. Ugh, he couldn't be thinking about two different boys right now, especially when he should instead be answering his girlfriend's texts. Nonetheless, Jeremy nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone dinged with another notification. He excitedly scrolled up to find that Michael had...read his message. The notification had come from Brooke. Again.

**unread: 6:39 a.m.**

**♥ Brookie Cookie ♥:  Jeremy, you up yet?**

**unread: 6:58 a.m.**

**♥ Brookie Cookie ♥: I have a surprise for you <3**

**7:20 a.m.**

**♥ Brookie Cookie ♥: Honey?**

**7:21 a.m.**

**Me: Sorry, babe, woke up a bit late.**

**Me: I'm super excited about the surprise...**

**Me: But...**

**7:23 a.m.**

**♥ Brookie Cookie ♥: But...?**

**Me: I'm more excited to see you after the long weekend I've had.**

**7:27 a.m.**

**♥ Brookie Cookie ♥: Aww! <3 **

**♥ Brookie Cookie ♥: See you at school!!**

**7:31 a.m.**

**Me: See you at school, Brooke.**

   Jeremy clicked off his phone to finish brushing his hair before swinging his backpack onto one of his broad shoulder blades, letting it latch securely in place before heading out the door, phone in his back pocket. He was wearing a black PacMan shirt with a one red ghost, one blue ghost, and one orange ghost in a line with beady eyes, and a pair of newly-washed blue jeans. Feeling fresh and crisp and clean, Jeremy swaggered on his way to his homeroom: theatre with Christine.

      Christine's face brightened as she noticed Jeremy. "Hi, Jeremy!" She got out of her seat to greet him, stretching up on the tiptoes of her heels and wrapping her arms around his skinny torso in a hug, effectively bringing a sincere grin to Jeremy's face. He hugged her back, having to lean down a bit so her face wasn't buried in his cotton t-shirt. She pulled back and smiled that sweet smile up at him.

      "So, Jeremy, you know how my boyfriend attends Seahawk High, all the way across town?" Her brown eyes were alight with excitement. Jeremy's face flashed and his cheeks heated up at the thought of Michael. His brain quickly made the decision to play dumb. "Your...boyfriend? Could you...remind me?" He raised an eyebrow at her, faking a nervous, apologetic smile.

      Christine took the bait, gullible and trusting as ever. "Oh, you know, Michael? Michael Mell?" The short Asian girl was positively glowing with joy just at the mention of her beau. "Oh, yeah. Thanks, I remember him now."

     "Well, anyways, I have some big news." 

     Jeremy's blue eyes widened. "What-"

     "His moms found new jobs here so he's transferring to Middleborough High!" Christine squealed and jumped up and down, her smooth, short black hair bobbing on her petite shoulders.

     "Wow, yet another overrated popular dude. I'm delighted," Chloe Valentine sarcastically remarked from a few rows away. She was one of the least popular girls in school, mostly because of her mouth. She was also Brooke's former best friend, but after Chloe tried to sabotage Brooke and take her place on the popularity totem pole, Chloe was dropped - or rather, forcefully thrown - to the very bottom. Where she now lurked like a sea monster. She had a lot in common with a sea monster; fake, carnivorous, mysterious intentions. Jeremy didn't like her one bit.

     He chose to ignore the nefarious brunette, shifting his attention back to Christine. The shorter girl looked a bit dejected by Chloe's unsought opinion, but she lit up yet again. "And guess what the even better news is?"

      Jeremy was still reeling from the first piece of information before Christine's voice raised to a scream. "We have the same homeroom!" Her words were barely coherent as she lurched forward and all but leaped into the arms of a newly-arrived student with familiar mellow brown eyes, soft black hair, and- glasses. Glasses. 

      Jeremy panicked as his blue eyes set upon Michael Mell himself. He easily held Christine in his arms, her legs hitched up to curl around his waist. Michael buried his face in her hair, an attractive chuckle rippling from his throat before he and Christine separated. The couple fit perfectly together; if Michael was just an inch shorter or taller, Christine's chin wouldn't be able to fit so perfectly on his shoulder, and his chin wouldn't fit so perfectly on her head. They completed one another like a jigsaw puzzle.

     Chloe let out a disgusted grunt at the PDA and turned her chair the other way to gossip to some other social pariah nearby. Jeremy couldn't help but see his world come crashing down. His secret was going to come out. There was no doubt in his mind now. How could he stay 100% straight when there was Michael Salvador Pine Mell standing right there in front of him? How could he and Michael be anything but friends if Jeremy was infatuated by him enough to learn both of his middle names?

**"Jeremy."**  Michael and Christine were both gazing straight at him now, and Jeremy gulped before stepping forward to shake the Filipino boy's hand, unable to meet his eyes.  **"I-I've got to use the w-washroom. Be right back."**  Jeremy didn't look back as he shoved open the double doors and hung a left. He didn't look back as he slipped into a bathroom stall, locked it behind him, and wondered if the bell had rung or if it was the uncanny ringing in his ears?


	3. Thank you, next.

  Jeremy made the wise choice to stay in the nurse's office for the rest of first period.

  "No phones," the kind-looking woman dressed mostly in white had scolded him gently as he sought out his cell from his back pocket. Crestfallen, he slipped it into his backpack and instead opted to work on some extra math homework he'd neglected the past weekend.

  Mondays weren't so bad in the past but...he just couldn't handle it right now. History was a breeze with Brooke at his side, Science was a bore - in Madeline's exact words -, and English passed by in a blur since Madeline, Christine, and Brooke all shared that class with him. His last class before lunch rolled around; Math.

  Michael had completely slipped Jeremy's mind. But, to Jeremy's misfortune, Michael popped up in his fifth period. And of course there was a vacant seat directly next to Jeremy. The last one unclaimed in the class. The teacher took attendance while Jeremy panicked internally, rethinking his life choices and squirming uncomfortably in his seat.

  Michael slipped into the chair beside his, warm brown eyes sizing up the taller boy. He said something Jeremy didn't quite catch - Jeremy just awkwardly nodded and smiled in response, praying it wasn't a question. Which it was.

  "Leg cramps?" Michael reiterated and Jeremy deadpanned before straightening.

  "Uh, no...why?"    

  "You seem restless...I'm guessing math isn't your strong suit?"

  "You guessed it." Jeremy shot awkward finger-guns at the other boy before shifting his attention to the board. God, he hated Algebra. With a burning passion. A worksheet was passed out and the teacher turned out to be short just one paper. Of course Michael had to pipe up and be all kind and sweet.

  "It's alright, you don't have to run all the way to the teacher's lounge to make a copy, Ms. Sanchez. Jeremy and I can partner up."

  "No, no, no, please don't let-" Jeremy's mental pleading was cut off and his worst nightmare was confirmed as the teacher shrugged and reclined in her chair, giving Michael a thumbs-up in acceptance.

  "Can I be...h-honest with you?" Jeremy was having flashbacks to middle school, when his stuttering was at its absolute worst and his self-esteem was at an all-time low. He'd struggled keeping friends, let alone keeping love interests. Until Brooke, a fallen angel from heaven, had graced his life and convinced her parents to pay for Jeremy's speech therapy since his then-unemployed father couldn't afford it.

  Jeremy was forever indebted to Brooke. Which is why he felt so guilty for having these horrible thoughts of affection and love for anyone who wasn't her. Especially other guys. She deserved better. He felt bad for letting her place all of her trust in him.

  "Jere? Honest... with me?" Michael echoed to catch his attention.

  "Oh, yeah, sorry I'm a bit spacey today. Anyways, I'm not good at algebra. Never have been. So, uh...how much for you to - y'know - finish the whole worksheet for me?" Jeremy began fishing around in his backpack for his wallet.

  "Excuse me?" Michael's dark brows furrowed and an unreadable expression crossed his face. Jeremy gulped, hoping he hadn't offended him.

  "I just...um, assumed you were good at math? Algebra in particular...?" Jeremy swallowed thickly. 

  Michael's prying gaze penetrated his for a few more heartbeats before a low chuckle erupted from his lips. "Dude, you don't have to pay me. I'll finish this one for you, but in the future, I'll expect you to actually try doing it on your own. Mkay?"

  "...Okay."

  The glasses-wearing boy's face had softened. Especially his chocolate-brown eyes. His dimples. Oh, those dimples. Jeremy was entranced. He snapped his gaze back to the worksheet as Michael filled in the blanks and chewed on the end of his pencil in deep thought.

  Woah. Jeremy had never seen anyone do that in real life. Only in comics and cartoons. Maybe a very strange, specific thing to be in awe of, but screw it. He would probably be in awe of anything Michael Mell accomplished.   

  Jeremy made a mental note of that adorable quirk, storing it somewhere in his brain's file cabinets for later. God, he really was having a hard time concentrating today. Only around Michael, though. Maybe he should take therapy for focusing next.

  The blue-eyed boy knew his day wasn't going to get any easier. Rich was absent today - he shared second, third, fifth, and sixth period with him, - thank God. Jeremy was additionally grateful for only having Jake in sixth and seventh period. It was stressful enough having two classes with Michael - one being homeroom, so basically three classes - and four with Rich - who had probably skipped class since he had voiced his hate for Mondays several times in the past. Jeremy didn't need more than two with Jake.

  Usually sixth period was smooth because Jake and Rich occupied one another with their weird little note passing and inside jokes and bullying of the social pariahs in the class, mostly the underclassmen that were unlucky enough to be sorted into that Creative Writing class - which Jeremy had no clue that Jake and Rich had interest in in the first place.

  Before Jeremy knew it, Michael was scooting his chair back and trotting across the room to turn in the paper. Jeremy had caught a glimpse of it - Michael had written both of their names at the top and, wait, how did Michael know Jeremy's last name?

  He pondered this as Michael returned to the chair beside him and their arms brushed. Jeremy recoiled at the touch and Michael appeared a little hurt but he turned away from the other boy to hide it. Jeremy peeked over Michael's shoulder and realized he was texting someone. Probably his girlfriend. Jeremy slunk back into his seat.

  "Hey, we're going to the beach tonight for some night swimming. Would you and Brooke want to join us?" Michael's head raised from his phone and he spoke in a soft, quiet tone.

  Jeremy lowered his own voice as he replied. "Sure...uh, who's 'we'?"

  Michael shot him an amused look. "Christine and I, silly."

  "Oh...of course. I'll ask Brooke. It's a yes for me. Tell Christine I'm grateful for the invitation."

  "Actually, the idea was all mine. Including the invitation." Michael grinned at him. "I'd like to get to know you better, Jeremy Heere."

  "Jeremiah...is my full name. Y'know, if you want to call me that. And, uh, thanks, man. Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it." Rambling. Rambling or stuttering always occurred around Jeremy's crushes.

  "I'll stick with Jere. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" Michael glanced deep into his eyes for signs of approval. Jeremy instantly avoided his pressing gaze, sky-blue eyes shooting to his brand-new Converse and then to the carpeted floor. "It does." he mumbled back.

  Jeremy watched Michael from the corner of his eye - the raven-haired boy opened his mouth to reply but the bell cut off his line of thought. Jeremy grasped his backpack and Michael grasped his hand. The blue-eyed boy cut back a gasp of shock, though his jaw hung open for a couple of seconds before Michael led him out of the classroom and around to the back of the building. 

  Michael's brown gaze penetrated his yet again, intoxicating Jeremy. Michael abandoned his backpack on the floor and pushed the taller boy up against the wall, connecting their lips together with a gentle but commanding force. Jeremy melted into the kiss and slid his cold hands up to slip around either side of the shorter boy's warm neck, hiding them in the other's hoodie.

  Jeremy clutched hard on the familiar red hoodie he'd fantasized about hugging close to him. Michael pressed him harder against the wall and they continued like that for what felt like years before Jeremy ran out of breath, loosening his grip on the other's clothing. Sucking in air, Jeremy grinned and reached for Michael again, but all he caught was air. When he opened his eyes, the other was gone and Jeremy was left on his own to process what had just happened.


End file.
